The Creatures

The movies have become the modern day community water hole. You come to see the most obscure creatures come from their dark abyss and bless you with their presence. Me and Sir Matt only attend the dollar theater because we're cheap college students and this is where the magic happens my friends. The children of the obscure and the creatures' friends from the dark abyss come out to play. Some of my recent experiences...

1. Both me and Sir Matt have found that Utah citizens are cheese balls. They'll laugh louder and harder at any movie joke. While it can be entertaining if THEY were the movie it's not so fun when you're watching another movie (comment made for the woman screeching behind me in my left ear)

2. Little kids are the finest of the entertainment in any movie situation. While watching Iron Man 2 a little boy screamed, "GOODBYE IRON MAN!!!!" as Tony Stark flew into the night sky.

3. There's always someone right when the movie starts standing up and waving their arms with a nonchalant, "HEY WE'RE OVER HERE insert name". Is this okay at a baseball game sure, a boxing match I get it, when the lights are dimmed in the theater and the funny previews are running-not so much.

4. The cell phone users. We don't want to see your light saber looking phones buzzing/ringing/glowing. Need I say more.

5. The leaner. There's always someone leaning just a little too close to you and using your arm rest. As much as I enjoy the feeling of your arm hairs on my elbow...please scoot over just a bit.

6. The screamer. It's okay to scream at the part where the murder grabs the persons leg from under a car, or the zombie is about to reach the little girl but there's always a scream that comes at the calm part of the scary movie. Boy goes in for a kiss *GUT WRENCHING SCREAM* the couple looks at each other longingly. I don't get it.

I love the movie theater but unlike others I don't go there for the experience. I go there because I can't watch the movie at home yet.

Any traumatizing movie experiences? I'm here for ya.

Spunk Driving

Whenever I dated boys I was a total watcher. I'd watch them through their windows at night (not true just seeing if you were paying attention). I always wanted to see how they would react in certain situations. I guess it was my way of deeming them knightly or...un knightly? If there's anything that can bring out the worst in someone and make someone go from enchanting to utter troll face it is the black road of despair (also known as driving to civilized creatures). It's the worst because everyone thinks that everyone on the road is an idiot...except for themselves. This includes myself I must say. I'm a pretty nice person but when I get on the road I'm a bit aggressive, okay I'm a crazy face.

1. Whenever someone cuts me off or turns in front of me quickly I speed up to make it look like they're cut off/turn was worse than it was.

2. If someone ends up turning but doesn't have a blinker on and I was waiting for them I say a smug, "Thanks for the signal poopy head." (You may not use the word poopy head this is my personal favorite but you might substitute it for words like jerk or troll face or bug eater.

3. If someone isn't paying attention when the light turns green my face turns red.

4. If one of them hoodlums is weaving around cars like their in Nascar I speed up so they can't get around me.

5. If I'm ever behind or sandwiched by semi's I grunt in despair and speed up to get as far away as possible from them.

6. If I'm behind a car while it's driving in neighborhoods eerily slowly searching for a specific place, I go around them.

However

I cut people off, sometimes I don't see green lights in time, sometimes I get lost, sometimes I turn really slow, sometimes I take turns too hard or dips to slow. Sometimes I hit people...okay I don't do that I hit people,cars,animals, bikers and more people mostly (joking about accidents is never funny).

Am I crazy? Are we all just terrible drivers or am I making the world a worse place?

Loco!!!!

I was sitting there licking brownie batter off of my fingers when I realized a rather revealing and demoralizing truth. I would probably lick brownie batter off of anyone or anythings fingers. I like brownie batter that much. Then again maybe I just like doing out of the ordinary things that much. Bringing me to a dreadful story...

Me and my 4 sisters are well...CRAZY LOCO! If you get us together in a room we get this loud hispanic laugh going and we just can't control it. Needless to say we often talk about and do ridiculous things. Okay mostly I do ridiculous things while my sisters laugh at me. I would never have done any of these things if it weren't for my loud laughing and utterly insane sisters.

1. After discussing how large my tongue really is with my sister (it's like KISS on crack people) I talked about the many things I've licked with my utterly monstrosity of a tongue. My sister said and I quote," You've never licked the bottom of my left foot." To which I tackled her to the ground and immediately licked her dirt covered, nasty trash stepping on foot (Michelle has the dirtiest feet of all the sisters in the land). I immediately regretted this however because it tasted like a waste of my time.

2. Mooning my youngest (and most traumatized) sister at 5:55 on 5/05/2005. I don't want to talk about it.

3. Putting on a toddlers clown costume while my sisters chased me around the house wearing vampire capes and warewolf masks, only to end the entire fiasco with a rendition of a Moulin Rouge song sung in a very manly yet chipmunk like way.

4. Making Dance Fest 2005 music videos and encouraging my little (and most traumatized) sister to wear nothing but two flowers made of poster board. Don't deny it, we still have video footage.

5. Peeing my pants on the floor while begging my sister to stop making me laugh. Yet to my surprise she just kept dancing and telling me I was just like Molly our dog who pees on the carpet.

I think that's about enough traumatizing information the dear followers can handle for one day.

Thanks for the crazy and well.....crazy times my sisters.

The Root

You guys remember the viscious bishopbric of the 9,865th ward from this post? Sit down, grab a pillow children. This ranting might go on for a while.

One day myself and my dear boss whom I love, we shall refer to her as dear, were cleaning out her office. After cleaning her office dear appeared at my desk with two gloriously shining bottles of Brick Oven Root Beer. Now let me make one thing clear. Brick Oven Root Beer is unlike any beer of the root. No No my friends, this fine beverage is brewed in the restaurant and has a sweet tang of success as the bubbles slide down your throat. I don't like root beer and man I like this stuff. So after salivating after the two bottles of root beer dear boss nonchalantly asked if I would like them to which I answered a cool, "Uh, sure". Success! I had obtained a fine drink and now I needed to make a plan. Matt loves drinks and so in protection of both myself and his belly I decided to only take one bottle home and leave one bottle on my desk for another special occasion.

The night with the root of beer was glorious. Matt and I wined and dined like we were in NY about to see a Broadway show. Then suddenly and without warning our deer root beer was gone. Without fear or hesitation I declared, "Don't worry there's another bottle at work!" And me and Matt had dreams of root beer fairies brewing our soon to be devoured bottle.

I arrived at work ready to take my fine friend home for another night of drinks when to my surprise the root of beer had left. I looked right, I looked left...I even looked under my desk like maybe during the night the janitor thought this root beer should not be on the desk no it should be cleverly placed in a nook under Sarah's desk. But I found no Root Beer.

Right away I knew the culprit. It's the Rice Krispie stealing pencil using Dutch bishopbric of the 9,865th Ward! All the sudden a cloud of ideas began to brew over my head. I could see the bald first counselor with his high waters, chugging my Root Beer straight from the bottle as he counted tithing. I saw the bishop with his feet on my desk counseling a member as he took a drink of my Root Beer from a mug. I would have my vengeance I thought. They'll learn their lesson. And I began to come up with ideas of how justice could be restored to the world again. While brewing (pun totally intended) in my dark thoughts with a bitter scowl on my face my dear boss poked her head in with a nonchalant, " Sarah, I hope you don't mind. I saw you didn't take the Root Beer home so I took it." I smiled knowing that I was a fool but that the bishopbric was still Dutch.

My Long Legged Unfriend

I feel like out of all creatures big and small the grasshopper is the rudest. Spiders have the courtesy to creep up on you, while stunning at times they make slight movements to warn you, lady bugs are always welcome because their so darn cute, rolly pollies just saunter around until you pick them up and catepillars never bother you at all but just eat your plants when you're away. Okay all creatures can be bothersome, but the long legged beast is rude.

The way grasshoppers just burst your personal space bubble and drop right next to your arm tickling your arm hairs is without a doubt just a violation of personal rights. I suppose this thought may be due to the fact that I've never had a good image of grasshoppers. The grasshopper in A Bugs Life ruined all the Ants lives. Those poor little Ants couldn't even get enough food to feed their young ones. The grasshopper in James and the Giant Peach used his legs as an instrument (a far too advanced concept for a wee tot to grasp without feeling weirded out).

So today I was eating my lunch, basking in the glory of the sun with a giant peach in hand and at a threat to my personal rights the long legged beast bursts my personal bubble with a springy plop. Because my only experience with grasshoppers has been through animation I deduced that this grasshopper was THE grasshopper from James and the Giant Peach and was merely trying to board his living vessel. Out of fear I scarfed down the peach at my fastest chomping rate and threw the core on the ground (I do this every time because I know a peach tree will grow) and ran away.

I now have regrets and wish to speak to Sir Grasshopper.

Dear Grasshopper,
I'm sorry I deprived you of your home however you really gave me a fright. You shouldn't go invading peoples personal space.
Sincerely,
A Fan

As you can see I'm full of regret.

I Can See!!!

My dear friend once said that the worst thing that could ever happen to her was being kidnapped without her glasses. After rolling on the ground in laughter and then writing this down in my Lisa Frank whale and unicorn diary because it was so dang classic I began to ponder. Dear friend has a point here. Ever since I was a wee lad I have been impaired in the eye ball region. And many terrible and scary things have happened to me because of this. I do this not so you can pity me but so that you single friends can find a 20/20 vision man and make 20/20 babies who don't have to live terrible lives.

First- I wore headgear when I was little. Laugh it off. I attribute my good personality to this wretched device because well it was the only thing I had at the time. Anyways one night me and my friend had a camp out in her backyard. I went inside to use the restroom but because I couldn't see I went headgear first into their solid glass door. Both scaring the dogs and my friends father.

Second- Glasses are impossible to run in. If you ever chose to do so prepare to have your glasses fly up and down somewhat making your eyes feel like their experiencing an earthquake and then slowly slide down your sweaty face. Due to this fact I went sightly impaired to the Boulder Boulder, a yearly 10k race in Colorado. The race went great and while I couldn't tell who was next to me I simply stuck to the black tar path that could lead me to the finish. Nevertheless, after finishing the race and realizing I couldn't see people unless I got nose to nose with them I ended up wandering around the stadium for hours trying to find my family. I ended up sitting outside of a tent that I thought said lost and found. Mostly there were really young children there 3 or 4 years old. I was seventeen...my mom found me.

Third- Hitting tables and couches because I can't tell where things are when I have my contacts out, having my roommate/husband say ,"Can you tell what face I'm making?" While I blankly stare at a nude colored blob, telling someone ,"I can't tell what you're doing.", the list goes on and on friends.

Single people out there, spare your children the task of building character and find a 20/20 partner. That is all.

Topsy Turvy

Everything in my refrigerator is frozen and everything in my freezer is refrigerated (aka melting). Today during my deer like routine I was making my daily sandwich, seconds later I pulled out the lettuce only to find that I had unintentionally made me a bag of lettuce pops...lopsicles. Sometimes it just seems like everything that you need does the exact opposite. I needed plain o' lettuce but no I got lopsicles instead. From this day forward we will refer to the opposites as lopsicles. Other lopsicles that happened today.
- I needed shoes to wear but could only find my feet ( This event occurs to everyone in variations, searching for car keys while they're in your hand, sunglasses while their on your head, you sensibility when it has definitely left the building)
- I needed nothing to do when  my plans were busy.
- I needed a hot fudge sundae in my hand but instead I had a bag of carrots

Lets have some therapy people. Talk to me about your lopsicles.

Can You Tofu?

As previously stated me and Matt love ethnic food. So the other day we journeyed to China Town (ok I just call this ethnic store that because I like to feel hoity toity) to find some new goods. We really wanted to learn how to make Pad Thai. After scavenging through the store I came upon the dreaded Tofu. I'd always heard these terrible things about it, "gross it's spongy", "it tastes like rotten chicken and moldy cheese". There was also a Veggie Tales song dedicated to Tofu so I figured it was really that bad. So what would any rational girl do? Buy three cartons of it of course. So me and Matt did the Tofu last night! We had Pad Thai with Tofu and Tofu Miso Sout, and......... We loved it! It's hard enough to feed a man that has a metabolism of Michael Phelps so I figure this amazing source of protein will be just what we need. Plus its nutritious and delicious. Of course after our Triumph of eating so healthy we rewarded ourselves with Sonic Shakes. Can you Tofu?

Listen....there's something you should know

I gave you guys all a glimpse of my utter quirkiness but in all this information I somehow left out the most important person. You guys need a proper introduction to Sir Matt and since he has sent me off alone on this blogging adventure I will give you the low down down low.

Height: 6'2''

Eye Color: Green

Favorite Color: Green

Favorite Food: Anything Ethnic

Alias: Marmot

Have a great week!

You guys didn't think I'd leave you with just that wimpy information did you? One week while me and Matt were teaching Sunday School he introduced and met everyone through their spouses secret. Well I have a secret for you Sir Matt. Now is the time for your dirty little secrets.

- Matt chews loud. This would usually be a negative quality for someone however due to the fact that my x roommate constantly ranted about how the acoustics in my mouth just weren't right because I daily sounded like a symphony of captain crunch every morning well....let's just say it's an upside for both of us that we're loud chewers.

- Matt loves music but has never had any training in music. I think this talent is especially amazing. Matt can pick anything up and suddenly the ladies are swooning over him (definitely won me over). His talents include drumming, strumming (the guitar), and plumming (the piano), oh and humming. I got a little carried away with those umming words didn't I.

- Matt is a conoseur (I didn't spell that right) of delicious foods. I LOVE this about him. He loves the best of the best foods out there, Sushi, Thai, Mongolian Barbecue. I have never found someone that I love eating with as much as him!

- Last of all. Matt is the hardest worker I've ever known. oh and he's hilarious, and he laughs at my jokes oh and he's my soulmate. Okay so that was more than one.

The One

It happened. I have a fan. While I was clicking my heels with joy and then pretending I knew how to tap dance a fog came upon me, a new realization that I had never felt before. People will actually be reading about what I think. After an all powerful laugh came out my adult brain slipped into my body and I began to feel cautious. What if they don't like what I think about? What if I'm immature? What if I'm not entertaining? These thoughts were then very quickly overshadowed by my tap dancing and karate kicks because well I am immature.

Summary: Please like what I say,  and if you do or don't please tell me about it. Tell me your opinion and hopefully you can inspire some of those crazy thoughts that tend to fly in the wind and then get sucked in as I breath in a gust of wind.

I had an awesome weekend with my family in the THREE-OH-THREE. Here are a few highlights for those of you who were not able to experience the magic.

• After galavanting through Estes Park we decided to go on a crusade through Rocky Mountain National Park. It was here that I met a Marmot, really liked it and then in my utter amazement my sisters dubbed Matt's new name as Marmot!
•  Rediscovered my love for Sonic the Hedgehog in a friendly battle of wits and honor with my sisters. A battle that lasted until twelve am for one and three am for the others.
• Ate my body weight in mini Oreo's.
• Tramp stamped both my husband and sister with phrases like "Chocolate Maker" and "Thunder Down Under" only to be given the mark of death on my lower back with the phrase "Matt loves Sarah". I must add, the thought was nice, the place and utensil used for marking me with....not so nice. My lower back still remains tainted.

Hope you guys all had a happy 4th!!!

Bitte Warten...

My mom has always had a very serious case of the "I can's". Whenever one of my mom's five hyenas would be dying for those Albertson cookies that are so ooey gooey and delicious she would say, " I can make that." Whenever any of us even eyed a fast food burger,"I can make that" and most hurtful to me of course staring at those amazing pictures of blizzards and wishing upon the shiniest star that I could get one and then my mom interrupts my oozing over the picture with a, "Hey we can make that at home!" I remain traumatized but really don't we all do that. I've come down with a serious case of the I can's. Whether it is because I'm exactly like my mom or just ambitious remains undetermined. Nevertheless here are my latest I can's that have both made and unraveled my confidence.

• My office because it is at BYU is used every Sunday by the bishopbric of the BYU 9,865 ward (ok not that high of a number). After Sunday things are always mysteriously moved around on my desk. Not only is my drawer of snacks when you're about to die because you forgot to make a lunch missing treats only after Sundays, but very mysteriously one week I found all of my computer settings changed to Dutch. Stage set for the I can's. I was determined to change my settings. I looked up how to do it but of course couldn't figure it out because everything was in dutch. Finally through some research at home I was able to change every setting except for one website that remains stubborn. The Google. No matter how much I set and reset it to English it ALWAYS defaults to Dutch. However I've decided to forgive the bishopbric of the BYU 9,865th ward because now I know lots of Dutch words I never would have known. Para exemple: Bitte Warten means please wait, bilder means image, bideo means video and Suche means search. Words I have yet to figure out: Erweiterte (I've made a hypothesis that it must mean Sarah is a sucker), Letzer Monat (must mean Sarah can't read Dutch) and Mehr (means nanny nanny boo boo Sarah).
• Me and my Emily friend decided we could sew. I'd seen a lot of cute bubble skirts that were just too short so in the words of my mother I rejoiced, "I can make that at home!". About six hours later I had a half a skirt, a furrow in my brow, a burn iron in the carpet and a really good friend. I can finish this skirt!

• I love Cafe Rio but I feel like a toothpick has been jousted in my ear when I see that they cost 8 smackaroonies each. So I set out to recreate the Cafe Rio experience at home. And...I DID IT! Here's the amazing recipe if you dare.

While the "I can's" seem to be a little frustrating at times they do pose for great adventures. Thanks for passing on your ambition mom!

FIFTY-TWO??

 I am overwhelmed right now at my absolutely amazing friends. After having a wonderful trip to Denver one of my families friends asked if me and my husband wanted to go on a river trip with them. They were going to be in Fruita and me and the hub could meet them there and float down the river for three-relaxing-canoe floating-bronzing days. So what did I say.....YES OH PLEASE OH PLEASE PICK ME!!! So Monday me and Matt drove to Fruita with our three dollar Wal-Mart water shoes (the kind that smell so strongly of new rubber that you smell like a car tire for at least the first seven wears), our sun-block (SPF 50 of course), and some gosh dang huge grins. The trip was amazing, we were on the river for about three hours each day and then set up camp and just sat around enjoying each others company. The second day we camped at what seemed to be our very on private beach, with our very own cliff diving cliffs, and our very own black rocks, and our very own over-sized bugs. Cliff diving-Amazing, Canooing-Adventurous, Camping-Another word that begins with A. I am definitely doing something like this again. Thanks for the great time friends.

I know you're wondering what the title has to do with this post. Uh-hum sniffle sniffle, I came back with fifty two mosquito bites.