I Can See!!!
My dear friend once said that the worst thing that could ever happen to her was being kidnapped without her glasses. After rolling on the ground in laughter and then writing this down in my Lisa Frank whale and unicorn diary because it was so dang classic I began to ponder. Dear friend has a point here. Ever since I was a wee lad I have been impaired in the eye ball region. And many terrible and scary things have happened to me because of this. I do this not so you can pity me but so that you single friends can find a 20/20 vision man and make 20/20 babies who don't have to live terrible lives.
First- I wore headgear when I was little. Laugh it off. I attribute my good personality to this wretched device because well it was the only thing I had at the time. Anyways one night me and my friend had a camp out in her backyard. I went inside to use the restroom but because I couldn't see I went headgear first into their solid glass door. Both scaring the dogs and my friends father.
Second- Glasses are impossible to run in. If you ever chose to do so prepare to have your glasses fly up and down somewhat making your eyes feel like their experiencing an earthquake and then slowly slide down your sweaty face. Due to this fact I went sightly impaired to the Boulder Boulder, a yearly 10k race in Colorado. The race went great and while I couldn't tell who was next to me I simply stuck to the black tar path that could lead me to the finish. Nevertheless, after finishing the race and realizing I couldn't see people unless I got nose to nose with them I ended up wandering around the stadium for hours trying to find my family. I ended up sitting outside of a tent that I thought said lost and found. Mostly there were really young children there 3 or 4 years old. I was seventeen...my mom found me.
Third- Hitting tables and couches because I can't tell where things are when I have my contacts out, having my roommate/husband say ,"Can you tell what face I'm making?" While I blankly stare at a nude colored blob, telling someone ,"I can't tell what you're doing.", the list goes on and on friends.
Single people out there, spare your children the task of building character and find a 20/20 partner. That is all.
Labels: word vomit