My Long Legged Unfriend
I feel like out of all creatures big and small the grasshopper is the rudest. Spiders have the courtesy to creep up on you, while stunning at times they make slight movements to warn you, lady bugs are always welcome because their so darn cute, rolly pollies just saunter around until you pick them up and catepillars never bother you at all but just eat your plants when you're away. Okay all creatures can be bothersome, but the long legged beast is rude.
The way grasshoppers just burst your personal space bubble and drop right next to your arm tickling your arm hairs is without a doubt just a violation of personal rights. I suppose this thought may be due to the fact that I've never had a good image of grasshoppers. The grasshopper in A Bugs Life ruined all the Ants lives. Those poor little Ants couldn't even get enough food to feed their young ones. The grasshopper in James and the Giant Peach used his legs as an instrument (a far too advanced concept for a wee tot to grasp without feeling weirded out).
So today I was eating my lunch, basking in the glory of the sun with a giant peach in hand and at a threat to my personal rights the long legged beast bursts my personal bubble with a springy plop. Because my only experience with grasshoppers has been through animation I deduced that this grasshopper was THE grasshopper from James and the Giant Peach and was merely trying to board his living vessel. Out of fear I scarfed down the peach at my fastest chomping rate and threw the core on the ground (I do this every time because I know a peach tree will grow) and ran away.
I now have regrets and wish to speak to Sir Grasshopper.
I'm sorry I deprived you of your home however you really gave me a fright. You shouldn't go invading peoples personal space.
As you can see I'm full of regret.
Labels: word vomit